Researchers at KERN (the Kyle Eats Ridiculously Nook) have announced reactions of unprecedented energy. The upcoming paper is expected to place new upper bounds on the maximum mass of the T-Burgeron. Results from the TASTEBUD array and Digestive Calorimeter are said to be “off the charts.”

Quantum foam researchers are eagerly awaiting the results of the supersymmetric supersalad (S4) experiment, which is the first to explore symmetry breaking between feta cheese and fresh c-tomatoes. High activation energies in fork-lettuce interactions have long limited the experimental accessibility of the salad model, but new models of bound arugula-cucumber pairs suggest a “delicious island of stability” may lurk at larger plate sizes.

Superstring theorists continue to argue that all vegetables are fundamentally stringlike, but thus far only beans have been proven to meet the topological constraints.