Bob and Sarah are a physicist and chemist, respectively. They should have known better than to send us mad libs for an RSVP card.

Translation: On July 23rd, Bob and Sarah will finally be elements of the set of unordered pairs of people. Kyle is very (the official sequence ID of the “happy numbers”) for them, and wishes them an uncountable infinity of happiness and that they should be an ideal example of the wedding ring together. Therefore, 1 will, with less than 1 percent conformance with the null hypothesis, attend and look forward to seeing the undefined (as bride/groom is indivisible) in their Klein bottle dress/suit.

I think the most terrifying part of A mathematical model for the determination of total area under glucose tolerance and other metabolic curves is the abstract’s implication that medical researchers were, before this groundbreaking application of Riemann sums, unable to find the area under an experimentally obtained curve.

75 citations? Really?

In the Broomball Caucus conference, we’ve been debating whether to separate teams into softcore and hardcore leagues. Jack Delahanty wrote against splitting the league, because it would (he asserts) increase forfeits:

There's one problem, though - teams that are comprised of [softcore players] do have fun, and they deserve to be able to have fun. The problem is that these are also the teams that tend to forfeit games. The same players that enjoy sliding around on the ice and hanging out with their floor also TEND to be (and I'm not accusing anybody here, just observing a trend) the players that won't show up when it's cold, when they've got homework to do, or when they have some other thing going on. I'm not saying that players who enjoy broomball for the sake of sliding around don't deserve respect and consideration - they absolutely do. But I am saying that we had a huge problem with forfeits this year that has extended into the playoffs, and we should definitely not gear the league or even one division in the league to teams that are apt to forfeit. Forfeits, more than 12-0 losses, are the real evil that needs to be addressed.

I totally agree that forfeits are a big problem: you make space in your schedule, put on all your pads and cold-weather gear, get onto the ice, wait 15 minutes, and then don’t get to play! On the other hand, I got to thinking about this, and realized it’s not actually true that forfeits would get worse with multiple leagues. In fact, splitting games up into leagues which are correlated with a propensity for forfeiting actually reduces the chances any given game in the league will be forfeit.