Bob and Sarah are a physicist and chemist, respectively. They should have known better than to send us mad libs for an RSVP card.

I think the most terrifying part of A mathematical model for the determination of total area under glucose tolerance and other metabolic curves is the abstract’s implication that medical researchers were, before this groundbreaking application of Riemann sums, unable to find the area under an experimentally obtained curve.

75 citations? Really?

In the Broomball Caucus conference, we’ve been debating whether to separate teams into softcore and hardcore leagues. Jack Delahanty wrote against splitting the league, because it would (he asserts) increase forfeits:

There's one problem, though - teams that are comprised of [softcore players] do have fun, and they deserve to be able to have fun. The problem is that these are also the teams that tend to forfeit games. The same players that enjoy sliding around on the ice and hanging out with their floor also TEND to be (and I'm not accusing anybody here, just observing a trend) the players that won't show up when it's cold, when they've got homework to do, or when they have some other thing going on. I'm not saying that players who enjoy broomball for the sake of sliding around don't deserve respect and consideration - they absolutely do. But I am saying that we had a huge problem with forfeits this year that has extended into the playoffs, and we should definitely not gear the league or even one division in the league to teams that are apt to forfeit. Forfeits, more than 12-0 losses, are the real evil that needs to be addressed.